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Babs to Justin: "I'm Wearing a Loose Sarong and No Panties at the Grammys"
Feb 7 2004 by Lucky Lani
Desperate to resonate with a younger fan base, legendary songstress Barbra Streisand informed current Bad Boy of Pop Justin Timberlake of her plan to wear easily removable clothing over nothing but her birthday suit at this year's Grammy Awards.
Timberlake, who's most recent claim to fame was "inadvertently" exposing Janet Jackson's breast to 140 million viewers during this year's Super Bowl Halftime Show, admits to mixed feelings about the aging diva's candid confession. "I was like, yo, that's cool. Got it. I mean, who doesn't wonder how Mrs. James Brolin prunes her Banzai, right? But then I was like, dude - you're older than Olivia Newton John and no way as hot. Do I really wanna unleash the Kraken on the music-lovin' public? Nah, man, I just don't know 'bout that."
Timberlake hastily followed his remarks with a rabid assurance that anything that might or will go down at Sunday night's Grammys is in no way premeditated. "It's not my fault if chicks' clothing falls apart when I'm near 'em. Guess I just have a freaky aura or somethin'. Britney couldn't keep her threads in one piece when she was around me, either."
When asked to comment, Streisand looked down her implausibly huge nose and smiled. "I just felt the boy should know. Hey - I may be a butter face, but from the neck down I'm J. Lo without the ass dimples. Let's just say my SUV's got gear in the rear and a front panel that'd make 007 weep with want."
Streisand appeared wistful for a moment, then continued with her metaphoric musings. "At this point in my career, I want everyone in America to know I'm a luxury ride. The people of this great nation would be thrilled to check under my hood. God knows, Clinton was."
In a related story, neither Britney Spears nor Michael Jackson cared to address their upcoming plan to "accidentally fornicate on live TV."
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