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A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...Jersey Girl!
Mar 26 2004 by Allen Voivod
Kevin Smith tries to go mainstream and shake the Bennifer jinx at the same time. Notice how J. Lo. isn’t even mentioned in the commercials? 15 minutes of fame, indeed.
 Dad: Man, this is hard. I want to say I liked it, because I laughed in places, but I want to say it sucked, because I thought it sucked.
 Mom: I'll bet Ben Affleck looks at that little girl and wonders what his love child with J. Lo. could've looked like. She was so smart to kick that deadwood to the curb. Sisters doin' it for themselves!
 Sis: Forget Ben Affleck, how hot is Matt Damon in that cameo? He kinda looks like Hilary Swank in Boys Don't Cry, which is totally gross to think about, but way more macho. Omigod, I should shut up before that gossipy witch Katie Lonergan hears me and starts claiming I like butch girls, or something.
 Bro: Man, what a gyp! Where's the snoochie boochies? Where's the blunts? Where's the cheapo B-movie production value? I was robbed!
 Baby: I love Kevin Smith and I want to see him do well. So, maybe next time. It must be hard to make a movie, but can it be much harder than picking up a stupid raisin without using two hands? I doubt it. It took me almost all of my life to master that trick.
 Verdict: For Kevin Smith fans on the big screen, or not at all. (And by the way, Randal from Clerks would probably chase you out of his video store for trying to rent it.)
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