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A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...Man on Fire!
Apr 23 2004 by Allen Voivod
Can you believe it's a remake? Do you even care? Denzel Washington plays one of those dime-a-dozen guys with nothing left to live for, until a hooker with a heart of gold...oh wait a minute, wrong movie. Well, it's still pretty formulaic.
 Dad: This is just like that commercial where the lady has Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. Is it me, or the director? It's like he's so bored he had to make 180 short films just to finish the movie.
 Mom: I think you've got AADD. Why else would you - hey, is that a butterfly? Gee, I'm tired all of a sudden. I could go for a hot dog right now. Mmmm. Oh - the credits. What were we just watching?
 Sis: Vigilante flick, ha! If the moviemakers knew like half the things I've imagined doing to Roach Kirkson for standing me up at the Spring Dance, they'd make me the Bruce Vilanch of horror movies. Except hotter.
 Bro: Why didn't they show any charred testicles? They shouldn't call it Man on Fire if they don't show charred testicles. If they showed some charred testicles, I'd be saying, "Man, that's what I call a fire!"
 Baby: What is it with revenge movies all of a sudden? Kill Bill, The Punisher, and now this. It's enough to make a baby want to kill his brother for destroying his favorite teddy bear. Help, I'm being conditioned! Kill, kill, kill!
 Verdict: It's sort of like watching a high-budget snuff film. If that's your bag, big-screen it. Otherwise, bypass it.
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