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| You are puzzled to find: Home > Entertainment | February 11th |
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 The Ex-Files: Dorito Girl and the Guy Who's Not Danny or DickMay 26 2004 by The Cosmic Detective
The following is a telephone transcript of a taped conversation.Ex-Files Case # N/A Filed under: Inactive Date: 05/25/04 Time: 3:15 a.m. Pacific Time CD: (groggy voice) Hello? [The other end of the phone is silent.] CD: Hello? [The voice on the other end clears his throat several times.] ML: Is this the Cosmic Detective? CD: It might be. Who's this? The phone is silent. CD: (exasperated) Hanging up now... ML: Wait! It's, um, Mario. CD: Mario who? PAUSE CD: Once again, hanging up... ML: Wait! Lopez. Mario Lopez. CD: Mario Lopez who? ML: You know, from "Saved by the Bell." CD: The Screech kid or the blond one? ML: The other guy. I was also on "The Other Half." CD: I don't watch the Oxygen network. ML: No. "The Other Half" was a daytime talk show with Dick Clark and Danny Bonaduce. CD: I don't watch daytime T.V. But I love Danny's morning radio show. I catch it whenever I'm in L.A. ML: I'm not him. I'm Mario. Mario Lopez. CD: Still not ringing a bell. (yawning) Look, it's late and I'm jetlagged... ML: I hear you investigate celebrity breakups. CD: Are Danny and his wife breaking up? Maury, why didn't you say so...now THAT'S news. Man, Shirley Jones is gonna pay up! ML: What? No. Listen. I'm breaking up. Actually, I'm getting divorced. Thought you should know. You know, in case you wanted to write about it. CD: Murry, honey, please tell me you're married to Jennifer Aniston. Or Britney Spears. Then we've got a story. ML: Ever heard of Ali Landry? CD: The Doritos girl? ML: Jesus, you've heard of her, but you don't know me? CD: Listen, Kid. I'm sure you've got a great story. But if I've never heard of you, do you really think you'll sell any papers? ML: Ya gotta help me out. I'm unemployed. And now I'll have alimony payments. I need work. I need publicity! CD: Then hire yourself a publicist, get in trouble with the law, check into rehab, and you're golden. ML: But I don't like drugs. And cops scare me. Please. I need your help. CD: Sorry Kid. I don't know what to say. By the way, how'd you get my number? Click. Related Articles The Ex-Files: Climbing the Twelve Steps of the Berry/Benet Breakup May 13 2004
The Ex-Files: Behind the Scenes of the Stamos Split
Apr 28 2004
The Ex-Files: Investigating the Cruise/Cruz Breakup
Apr 14 2004
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