A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...The Stepford Wives!

Director Frank Oz and screenwriter Paul Rudnick try to put a 21st century spin on the classic novel by Ira Levin. Emphasis on "try."

Dad: If I had to choose between the robot Nicole Kidman and the non-robot Nicole Kidman, it would all come down to lubrication.

Mom: If I had to choose between Christopher Walken and Matthew Broderick, I'd just let the human race die out and teach all the robot girls how to make kick-ass margaritas for me.

Sis: If I had to choose between a fake brain and a fake personality, I'd take the fake brain, because Jill Hardwell has a fake personality, and she's a total backstabbing whore. I hate hate HATE that little bi--wait, he's recording right now? Oops. Sorry...okay, Mom, Jesus, I said I was sorry, all right?

Bro: If I had to choose between my snake and my lizard, I'd put the two of them together in the washing machine and let them fight it out to determine WHO ... WILL ... BE ... THE ... LAST ... REPTILE ... STANDING!

Baby: It's the Stepford version of the original. The original movie had bite, and this new one doesn't even have bark. It's as limp as that sock monkey puppet the folks keep forcing on me and I keep throwing out of the crib.

Verdict: They're re-releasing the 1975 version on DVD June 15th, hoping to ride the coattails of the media blitz for the new version. We say, just rent the old version.


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