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Dick Cheney Invites PBS Viewers to His Neighborhood
Vice President Dick Cheney will soon be turning up in a surprisingly public location - PBS children's television.
Representatives of the network announced that the cuddly curmudgeon will be hosting an updated and slightly right-leaning version of Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood.
According to producers, Vice President Cheney's Neighborhood will introduce children to the realities of life in an America under siege from terrorists and the poor. "Cheney will be sending the children of America an upbeat but cautious message," reports the program's Executive Producer, Butler Morgan.
The "neighborhood" will feature an eclectic cast of white, upper-class characters who will help Cheney teach "life lessons." In the pilot episode, one of his neighbors will be forced to shoot and kill a panhandler who threatens his way of life by asking for spare change.
"See boys and girls," the Vice President laughs, "the people who want us to help the poor are the same people who want us to give up our guns!"
In another episode, a suspicious Muslim family threatens to move into the neighborhood. Cheney encourages children: "Remember, no one has a right to live in your neighborhood if they are different than you." Although not available for screening, producers claim the episode will also help children to understand the value of torture.
In an interview with Katie Couric, the Vice President said he hoped the program would give him the opportunity to repair the damage done by his predecessor, Fred Rogers.
"For too long, Mr. Rogers forced counter-culture values like tolerance, trust, and compassion on his viewers. It's these twisted principles that helped to produce the Clinton Administration. I can't make up for all the damage, but I'm going to try to save a few souls."
The introduction of Vice President Cheney's Neighborhood comes following pressure from the Bush Administration and loud conservatives, displeased that they lacked absolute control over the network.
The Cheney program is the first of many changes in PBS programming. Forthcoming are a Frontline special, "The Greatness of George W. Bush," and an 18-part Ken Burns documentary on the life and legacy of Ronald Reagan.
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