A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...King Arthur!

The Dysfunctional Family of Five got a few weird looks at the theater, seeing as how they dressed up in their best Renaissance Faire garb for the premiere of King Arthur. Antoine Fuqua directs a "true" version of the legend that writer David Franzoni must have found in the bottom of a crack pipe.

Dad: [Wearing suit of armor] I'm not sure I should have tried to fit into this thing before I lost my winter fat.

Mom: [Wearing royal wedding gown] Honey, that fat's clung on since the winter of 1986. You'd need a good jousting to get rid of it at this point.

Sis: [Wearing bar wench outfit] That A&E special on cleavage was the best thing I ever saw. Now I really know how to work this outfit. Oh, boooooys...over here...

Bro: [Wearing jester catsuit and singing a jolly tune] Fiddle-dee-dee, fiddle-dee-daa, my sister isn't wearing a bra! Fiddle-dee-dee, fiddle-dee-doh, my sister is a fifteenth-century OWWWWW! [Cut off by slap to the head from Sis]

Baby: [Wearing "Clifford the Big Red Dog" pajamas] Sure, I look anachronistic next to the rest of the family, but it goes with the movie. If Aramaic was good enough for Mel Gibson, let's just keep reviving the world's dead languages, shall we? It might make this otherwise average swordplay movie seem a little more weighty.

Verdict: If hotties Keira Knightly and Clive Owen don't do it for you, then don't bother with the big screen. Instead, rent Excalibur, a freaky 1981 version of the legend. Or go see Spider-Man 2. Again, if necessary.


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