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Revealed: The Truth About Mary-Kate Olsen's Rehab
After weeks of speculation, DeadBrain has now learned that Mary-Kate Olsen is not being treated for anorexia, as has been repeatedly reported by the so-called "legitimate" news, but rather for excessive eating that has threatened her figure, her star power, and her influence on young Mary-Kate-wannabes across America.
"It was devastating to watch her spiral out control. It got to the point where you could only see some of her ribs, while others were hidden beneath the thin veil of flab," said one Olsen confidante who agreed to speak to "set the record straight and get the Red Lobster gift certificate DeadBrain offered me."
Mary-Kate's descent into a grotesque, disfiguring obesity is not uncommon, and some say that her sister, Ashley, may be next. Those close to Mary-Kate's tormented sister reveal that she has been seen eating in excess of "a bite of apple" and "three pieces of lettuce" each day.
Mary-Kate's battle with the bulge comes as the young superstar was at the height of her critical and artistic success. Both girls earned rave reviews for their performance in the acclaimed New York Minute, a film some said recalled their best "Full House" work.
Experts in obesity claim that Mary-Kate's personal tragedy also sends an alarming message to America's young people. "It basically tells them that obesity is okay, that it's acceptable," explains Dr. Fred Butler, a physical education instructor in Boise and freelance writer for Skinny Chicks magazine.
According Dr. Butler, children today are taught to idolize the fat. "Just look at the so-called 'super' couples like Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. We celebrate them - and their flab!" Butler believes that the success of such celebrities leads the youth of America to equate success with fat.
Amidst the pressure to get plump, America's youth are finding fewer role models who can extol the virtues of extreme diets, diuretics, and the pleasures of purging. Even one-time champion of exposed skeletons Calista Flockhart was recently seen eating both a carrot and celery stick while dining with beau Harrison Ford, himself morbidly obese.
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