A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...Alien vs. Predator!

Two of Fox's biggest franchises, and this is the guy they get to revive them? Paul W.S. Anderson, wunderkind behind Event Horizon and Soldier?! Fox is soooo happy with their dual-franchise reinvigorating new movie, they didn't bother to make it available to critics in time for newspaper and magazine deadlines. Hoo boy.

Dad: This plot was taken straight from our last visit with your parents, honey. God, that's some scary [expletive deleted].

Mom: Really? I thought it was more like the last role-playing fantasy we acted out when the kids were away at camp.

Sis: Hey, that's that Sanaa Lathan girl from Love and Basketball. She's had a bad career since then, and that makes me way happy. I hate sports chicks. They're all so sweaty and yeasty. Yuck!

Bro: [Sighs] Just imagine all the blood and guts I could have seen if this movie had an 'R' rating. What a waste.

Baby: Look, if you're not a fan of either franchise, then this won't do anything for you. If you are, this'll never live up to your expectations. Even if you've lowered them, considering Anderson's previous work. Someone give me a pacifier before I hurt his feelings any more.

Verdict: Only for franchise fans, and they'd be best advised to see a matinee or wait for the second-run theater.


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