A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...Without a Paddle!

We haven't been this jazzed since The Punisher offered us such a golden opportunity to twist the knife in deep. With this new movie, even the title just begs a critic to sharpen his blade. How about, "I saw Without a Paddle, and it was like I fell in [expletive deleted] creek up to my eyeballs." Nah, that's too easy. Or are we spoiling the review for you?

Dad: "PG-13 for drug content, sexual material, language, crude humor and some violence." Now we're talking turkey!

Mom: Oh come on, not even Seth Green's juicy gravy could cover the humorless meat of this foul bird. Hmmm. That didn't come out quite right.

Sis: Anything that "Movie Mom" chick hates, I'd totally check out. But this time I agreed with her! That's gonna freak me out more than ANYTHING that new Exorcist movie could throw at me…

Bro: I bet Bono is so mad at all the people starving while we spend money making crap movies like this. I bet he's so mad he'd strangle a hobo.

Baby: Personally, I'm mad at Seth Green. DUDE! You're freakin' funnier than h-e-double-hockey-sticks. Don't you know bad material when you see it? Why weren't you running from this movie like a vaccination escapee? Good God, man, wake up and smell the unfunny!

Verdict: Might be worth catching on Comedy Central one day, maybe, if you're really bored.


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