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Reality Show Goes Too Far, Claims Vatican
Sep 12 2004 by Michael Gantman
In a turn reminiscent of the First Council of Nicaea in 325, The Church's most astute spin doctors have descended on the Vatican to churn out some well needed damage control. It seems television's newest reality show is finding many Catholics unwilling to turn the other cheek.
Modeled after such recent hits as Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire and Who Wants to Marry My Dad, Breaking the Habit follows 21 American girls as they compete to marry their dream man.
"I got the idea," the Pope said, "after watching The Real World." He paused and a smile came to his crooked little mouth. "If they want confessions, I'll give them confessions."
Working with a team of Vatican gag writers and producers, the Pontiff formed his own production company - I Am That I Am Films. With the help of friend and confidant Producer Harvey Weinstein, filming began in early 2004.
Camera crews were to follow contestants around a secluded castle for eight weeks as they competed in events designed to challenge loyalty, honesty, and chastity. During the first night "marauders" from an enemy village "invaded" the castle and attempted to "rape" as many women as possible. Those found to be unchaste would be "excommunicated."
By morning only one woman remained. Although arriving after the event took place, Rebecca Bloomberg was awarded the "wool habit" and immediately ushered off to St. Margarita's Convent in Lourdes.
While the Bloomberg's attempt to locate their daughter, lawyers for the Vatican issued a statement asking that no practicing Catholics view the program which airs next week on Fox.
Reflecting on his life's work and how history might now judge him, the Pope waved off his interpreter and in his charming broken English told us he "just plain [expletive deleted] up."
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