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| You have been drawn towards: Home > Entertainment | January 7th |
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Fall TV Season Inspires Depression, Suicide in TelevisionsSep 23 2004 by John Hetherington
Randall Frappy, an Albany, NY hairstylist, is among many television owners to experience first hand what this malaise has caused. "I'd gone out to a streaking party," said the hairstylist, 45, but who insists he's only 28. "It was after we'd watched the premiere of Joey - I love Matt LeBlanc!" But when Frappy returned home he faced the unthinkable. His beloved 25-inch Sylvania television had flung itself from the TV stand to its death. "I couldn't believe it," Frappy shuddered. "The screen was shattered and the back had come loose. I called a repairman the next day but there was no hope." Sadly, the death of Randall Frappy's television is not an isolated incident. Around the country, televisions forced to endure the networks' fall schedule have taken the only escape route open to them: death. Television psychologist Arnold Millinmater claimed that the increase in television suicides cannot be traced to any one program or network, but rather to an overall decline in quality that has left televisions disenchanted and dreaming of their glory days. "They've really become quite sad," Millinmater explained. "The televisions that today are being forced to broadcast Simple Life II, Father of the Pride, and Center of the Universe wish for the old days of Who's the Boss?" While it's easy to cast an accusing eye on the networks which choose to air programs written with a developmentally-challenged twelve year old in mind, some believe that the blame lies with the television owner. This is the view of the Coalition for Responsible Television Owners, whose 14 members are currently using their limited powers to support legislation that would make "television neglect" a felony punishable by up 90 days without television "or with access only to PBS." Stung by the news that they were a proposed punishment, PBS immediately announced plans for a prime-time reality show, following the "bawdy exploits" of Sesame Street stars Bert and Ernie.
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