A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...Ladder 49!

We're superstitious about non-sequel movies with numbers in the title.

Dad: Ummm...yeah. Okay, firefighters are human. Maybe one of them can find me a salt packet for my popcorn, since nobody seems to be listening to me! When I've been asking for one! For the last twenty [expletive deleted] minutes!

Mom: Nobody's giving you any salt packets because you're already bloated enough as it is. If you were an ocean buoy, you'd seat three seal pups comfortably.

Sis: The first sex scene I ever saw was the one where they do it on the hoses in Backdraft. No other fire movie will ever compare. That night, I found God.

Bro: I bow to you, oh fire. You are so much greater than the matches and magnifying glasses I have used. I vow to honor your power, and will incinerate anthills far and wide with gasoline and other accelerants!

Baby: I've got firefighter footie jammies that I wear with swelling pride. But this movie didn't do any more for me than a good TV documentary would have. Go out and hug your local firefighter, and you'll get an even more authentic emotional charge.

Verdict: Not flamingly bad, but not scorchingly good, either. Rental.


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