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Mariah Carey Gets DID and Finds Love with Herself
After years of declining sales, questions about her mental health, and diva-esque behavior only displayed by inferior talents desperate to project an air of superstardom, Mariah Carey has revealed that she has been diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID).
Yet according to Carey, the potentially devastating condition has allowed her to finally settle down and find love - with herself.
In a statement released by her management, Carey confirmed the much-rumored diagnosis, adding that she had become "deeply involved" with one of her alters, Mimi. "Mimi is real," said Carey of her new self-gratifying love. "She's like me when I'm not being, you know, all phony."
Rumors of Carey's relationship with herself started circulating after she was seen dining at New York's swanky Club You're Not Worthy To..., accompanied by a mirror. According to Club manager Tito Forno, "She was all over herself, stroking her reflection gently, complimenting herself. It was hard not to notice."
Those close to Carey worry that Mimi's "realness" may lead into danger for the screechy songstress, who was recently awarded the Yoko Ono Heritage Award for contributions to caterwauling. "The pair of them spend a lot of time in alleys and on curbs outside of tenement projects," said Carey bra-fastener Dilly Delish. "And she's been wearing department store bras - when she wears them," Dilly divulged.
Still others worry that a battle among Carey's other alters may threaten her relationship with now dominant-alter Mimi.
DID is a psychological disorder popular in daytime television, in which an individual possesses a number of different identities or 'alters.' "Mariah has several alters," explained a former psychiatrist. "Inez, a Mexican princess with a fatal addiction to sex; Felicity, a naughty virgin with a dangerous sex obsession; and Charlie, a New Jersey plumber who is unable to find pants that fit him properly. I think that Charlie threatens to take over and send Mimi away."
The consequences of a Charlie takeover could be devastating and find Carey replacing her slinky evening gowns and spiked heels with jeans and flannel shirts. As one mental health expert notes, "She could even start bowling."
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