A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...Blade: Trinity!

As the titular half-vampire/half-razzamatazz-man, Wesley Snipes is badder than Shaft, Undercover Brother and every Samuel L. Jackson character (minus the Shaft remake) all rolled into one. Or as they used to say back in the day, "Van Damme!" But, alas, that day is done...

Dad: Hey, it's that pantywaist guy from that show, Two Guys, ummm, Five Girls, a Studio Backlot, and a Series of Forced Comedic Moments! I loved that show. NOT!!!

Mom: It's your own fault - I told you there haven't been any pizza delivery men in porn since 1986. "It's not porn, IT'S NOT PORN!" I kept telling you. But you just wouldn't listen to me.

Sis: A vampire Pomeranian?! Oh, come on, if that isn't the lamest thing since the whole "Punky in Pink" fashion nightmare, I don't know what is.

Bro: [Refused repeated entreaties to comment, busy as he was imitating Blade's fighting moves, until he unwittingly punched an usher in the crotch. Said usher spilled his rolling trashcan onto an unsuspecting movie viewer, and chaos thus ensued.]

Baby: You know a franchise is getting long in the tooth - ah, to have any teeth at all, but I digress - when scene stealers like Jessica Biel and Ryan Reynolds get called in to carry the load Snipes can't handle by himself anymore. And as for Kris Kristofferson - WTF?!

Verdict: Horror fans: matinee. The rest of you: rental at best.


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