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The Ex-Files: What I Know For Sure: My Ode to Oprah
As the year draws to close, I can’t help feeling a little nostalgic. What a wild ride it’s been! I’ve traveled the globe in search of higher truth (and a cure for that nasty foot fungus I picked up at that bath house in Taipei). I’ve met some amazing people. Broken some of the biggest breakup stories of the year. Crashed in some of the most lavish guest houses the world over. Along the way, I’ve learned a lot. And to steal a page from the Queen of the Universe - Ms. Oprah Winfrey to you - here’s What I Know For Sure:- Love in Tinseltown has a shelf life. It’s in the contract.
- There’s no such thing as bad publicity. Janet Jackson, Kevin Federline, and Paris Hilton know this for sure!
- No matter how angry Madonna gets, she always (eventually) forgives you.
- Getting married in Vegas isn’t just for poor, white trash anymore.
- Don’t knock Botox until you try it. (And honey, it’s fabulous!)
- Reality television is not the devil. George Bush is. And maybe Ken Jennings.
- No matter how good they taste, the garlic noodles at Crustacean in Beverly Hills always give you the runs.
- Martha got a bad rap. (Looking forward to her reality show once she’s out of the joint!)
- Always make room for a new best friend, especially if she looks, talks, and IS Pamela Anderson!
- And finally, a tip from the new queen of breakups, Jennifer Lopez. No matter how many times you get dumped, do the dumping, or get your heart broken, it’s important to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and be open to falling in love again. After all, love is all we need. Well, love, a triple threat career, and a bodacious booty.
Happy holidays!
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