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NBC Embeds Journalists for the Pitt-Aniston Separation Coverage
Calling it a "disaster of unimagined proportions," NBC has pledged to embed journalists within the Brad Pitt-Jennifer Aniston separation.
The decision follows revelations that CBS News postponed airing a story that would have "blown the lid off the separation" a full day before it was announced on Access Hollywood, because of concerns over possible recriminations.
"This is a story that affects America and Americans," explained NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams. He will be broadcasting from in front of the former Pitt-Aniston home "for the duration."
"We need to know what's happening with this," Williams added, brushing aside criticism that he lacks the gravitas to handle a story with such serious and far-reaching consequences. "I've watched Friends, and I have seen portions of more than one of Brad Pitt's movies. I understand what's at stake here," he said.
Meanwhile, correspondent Peter Alexander, who has covered some of the world's worst natural disasters, has also been embedded in the Pitt camp. "The devastation is widespread," he reported. "Once happily married women are now chasing after Pitt, screaming wildly and pretending that they've seen and enjoyed Ocean's Twelve in the hope of replacing Aniston. It's hard to say which, if any, he will succumb to, but he did appear to raise a rather provocative eyebrow at a 32-year-old dance instructor from Portland, Maine."
With the Pitt-Aniston split threatening to wreak havoc with the American family, NBC plans more coverage of those super couples who remain. The Today show will move away from what executives call "a dreary, slow-paced opening news story" in favor of more in-depth celebrity coverage.
The transition does not bode well for Today show anchor Matt Lauer, who is expected to be replaced by Access Hollywood host and annoying President Bush relation Billy Bush.
"Matt is just too soft," notes one insider. "He can handle the fluff pieces, the elections, the economy, natural disasters, but when it comes to superstar couples he turns to jelly."
Meanwhile Congress has unanimously voted to authorize funding for the reconstruction of the Pitt-Aniston relationship should reconciliation be attempted.
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