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A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...Coach Carter!
It's every sports movie you've ever seen, and less! And since it's inspired by a true story, you can bet that they'll ring it dry for every "Book of Virtues" lesson in it, while William Bennett logs in to an off-shore gambling website account and bets on the outcome.
 Sis: Basketball is the dumbest sport ever. It's just a bunch of wannabe gangbangers who get stupid rich bouncing their balls around. They can't even cop a feel smoothly, and they totally tear up when you slap 'em in public, like Katie McDongle did to what's-his-face at New Year's.
 Mom: I hear "Coach Carter" and all I can think about is Clarence Carter, and then I've got "Strokin'" stuck in my head. Stroke it Clarence Carter, but don't stroke so fast, and if my stuff ain't tight enough you can stroke it in my...WOO!
 Bro: "In my" what? I don't get it. Pass? Dash? Cast?
 Dad: Son, I hope you're 42 before you get it, because I want your sister to be 42 when she gets it, and I can't be accused of sexism in a public forum again. That Susan Sontag chick nearly ruined me when I made a stray comment about the appetizer tray at a conference 12 years ago. And she took her grudge against me to the grave, for Mel's sake.
 Baby: I've been worried that Sam Jackson would become the new Al Pacino, wasting his talent by shouting his way through movies. Here, at least, he acts a bit while shouting. Other than that - it's nothing to write home about, even if you could. Which I can't. Dictation - it's made me what I am today.
 Verdict: Rental at best.
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