A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...Hide and Seek!

We can never hear that title without thinking of Beavis saying "Peek-a-boooooo!" to his...ummm...you know, the stuff that comes out...well, you get the idea. It has something in common with this movie, though, and let's just leave it at that.

Sis: Eeew, Dakota Fanning looks soooo like one of those Living Dead Dolls. She probably even smells creepy, like those Goth girls who hang out in the dirt by the bleachers at lunch.

Mom: If she's not careful, she's gonna be more like Jonathan Lipnicki. The human head may weigh eight pounds, but that's six pounds more than the combined weight of your DVD sales, Lipnicki!

Bro: It's like they had the horror version of the "Chapter Checklists" in my math book. Basic fractions? Check. Rounding? Check. Kitchen knives, bloody wall writing and screeching cats? Check, check, and for Paco Tostada's sake, check me outta here!

Dad: Children and animals, De Niro! Forty years in the biz, and you forgot the golden rule! Idiot! You just go back to TriBeCa and think long and hard about what you've done here.

Baby: You know what, Hollywood people? Stop sublimating your terror of the Bush Administration so deeply and start making some political thrillers with all that negative energy, will you? For Mel's sake, even The Berenstain Bears handle politics better than you these days!

Verdict: The combined presence of Famke Janssen and Elisabeth Shue is almost enough to warrant a rental.


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