A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...Hostage!

A bald Bruce Willis means we've got a serious drama on our hands! Plus Rumer, his real-life daughter, has a supporting role! And it's adapted from a highly-regarded Robert Crais novel. Sounds hopeful...

Sis: Omigod, that's Bruce Willis' daughter?! Maybe the plastic surgeons haven't gotten to her yet.

Mom: Oh please, if there's any real breasts left in Hollywood, they're hiding inside free-range chickens.

Bro: Doesn't Bruce Willis have a catch-phrase I can use that won't get my mouth stuffed full of Irish Spring?

Dad: I've always been jealous of the handsome ruggedness of that Irish Spring chap. That guy can really fill out a sweater. Where can I get one like that? The closest thing I've got has a poodle cross-stitched on it, thanks to Aunt Bernice.

Baby: It's a tribute to Crais' novel that even though screenwriter Doug Richardson botches the adaptation, director Florent Emilio Siri still makes a halfway decent flick out of it. Which is how I feel about every finger-painting project I've ever done, coincidentally.

Verdict: Rental.


Need a second opinion? Check out the trailer and a different take on the movie by the eminent and learned Brian Briggs at BBspot.com!

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