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A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...Sahara!
Since they can't get their act together on Indiana Jones 4, you can't blame Paramount for trying to fill the void with this Clive Cussler adaptation. You can blame them for picking Matthew McConaughey to play the lead - "Dirk Pitt." Yes, "Dirk Pitt." And they trademarked it, no less.
 Sis: I thought Matthew what's-his-name and Penelope Cruz were dating, but you sooo can't tell it from this movie. They've got about as much chemistry as Mom and Dad after the restock run to the state liquor store.
 Mom: And don't think we don't know what's happening to every third bottle of spiced rum, either, little missy. We'll catch you sooner or later. Hopefully before the street-sweeper has to move you out of his way again.
 Bro: So many explosions in this movie - I bet this is just like being in the Gulf War. Now I'll have a story for show and tell on Tuesday! I'll just have to get my iguana to give me a "battlefield wound."
 Dad: The only "Sahara" I care about is the underrated classic song of the same name from seminal 80s band Cutting Crew. "But in my heart, and in my head, I know that she'll wait for meeeeeeeee…"
 Baby: It took a cutting crew of four writers to slice a 700-page book down to just over two hours of movie time. Next time, guys, don't go with the committee approach. Steve Kloves is cutting down Harry Potter all by himself, and doing a fine job of it. Speaking of cutting, when do I get to try out the safety scissors? C'mon, with a name like safety scissors, there's nothing that could go wrong, right? Right. Just leave 'em in the crib for me, please, I'll get to them after my nap.
 Verdict: Rental.
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