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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Donald Rumsfeld |
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| You are disappointed to see: Home > Entertainment | February 11th |
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Runaway Bride Jennifer Wilbanks Eyes Pat O'BrienMay 19 2005 by Greg Kuhl
"Mr. O'Brien was so inspirational to me, going into rehab when those nasty voice mails of his surfaced - then going on Dr. Phil and making everything all right. "I dream that I can handle my crisis with half as much dignity and class as he did. Even though we've never met, he inspired me to seek help at a hospital for my problems. "I know Mr. O'Brien's a lot older than I am, and I don't even know if he's married," Wilbanks continued. "But I think what we may have here is fate. And there's no way fate could conspire to keep us apart. "The public said nasty things about me, just like they were Mr. O'Brien. They called me 'Bridezilla,' said my eyes looked as though I'd just got out of a long day of electroshock therapy, and really screwed over my family and friends. "All those things may be true, but I'm just a simple, loving girl looking for a simple, loving husband. That John what's-his-name, my old fiancé, was just too wimpy and clingy. No way he should want to marry me after what I did to him, and my hair. "I'd be honored if Mr. O'Brien would become my third fiancé, and first actual husband. I know he's a big Hollywood personality and all, but I promise we wouldn't have to have a wedding with 28 attendants and 600 guests - not when 26 and 500 would be plenty. "I think I love him." O'Brien said he'd consider becoming Wilbanks' husband, "If she's making good progress to work through her smorgasbord of problems. "The last thing I want her to do is jumping on the bus back to Georgia if I have to work late, or if I have too much to drink, or if I need to appear on Dr. Phil again, or if she starts shoplifting again. "Otherwise, we could have a happy life together." Get DeadBrain delivered to your Inbox! Click here to sign up at our parent site. Consider the weekly and monthly editions, each of which contain all-new, laugh-out-loud office comedy you won't see on the website!
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