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Spurned By Live 8, Spice Girls Organize Rival Event
The Spice Girls announced plans to organize a series of music events designed to bolster the careers of has-been artists whose performances aren't even welcome at charity events. The event, "Need Aid," will take place in clubs in Brixton, England and Cleveland, Ohio, and will feature the likes of Right Said Fred and Ricky Martin.
The announcement follows the stunning news that Live 8 organizer Sir Bob Geldof turned down an offer from the Spice Girls to reunite for the first time in five years to perform at the event. Seemingly unable to grasp the musical significance of their reunion, Geldof instead deemed the Spice Girls "too trivial" to sing at the event intended to raise awareness of world hunger.
"The girls were gobsmacked," says Spice Girls press agent Miles Tuttenberg. "They couldn't believe that Geldof would let his ego stand in the way of their performance just because he was afraid he'd be upstaged."
"Sporty Spice" Mel C. admitted that Geldof's announcement was a devastating blow. "We didn't know what to do, really," she said, but acknowledged they had some desperate thoughts. "We'd heard them say if enough other bands pulled out they might decide to let us play, so we thought, 'That Mick Jagger's an old git. What if we took him out?' And I'm sure Robbie Williams could 'slip' on some of his hair gel or something."
But from desperation came inspiration. "We realized that we're the ones who need help. Screw the starving - we need attention!" And with that revelation came plans for club shows featuring some of the music industry's most forgettable acts.
"It's really rather noble of us," explained "Ginger Spice" Geri Halliwell. "We could have hogged the spotlight, but we didn't want to be like Geldof, so we've invited the likes of Right Said Fred and Ricky Martin, who might even reunite with Menudo, to play. It's the sort of selfless act that bastard Geldof doesn't know about."
In a related story, Bryan Adams' management confirmed the Canadian singer attempted suicide after not being invited to either Live 8 or Need Aid.
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