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| You have been flattened by: Home > Entertainment | February 9th |
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 American Midol: MTV – The New Face of Self-ImprovementJun 13 2005 by Lani Voivod
MTV mutilated the radio star in the early 80s, and now they're making amends with the flailing collateral spawn.How? They've become the Davey and Goliath for today's "E Generation," and they're doing it so well, they deserve a lap dance. Not from me, of course, as that would be an unfortunate event. But from a Cindy Crawford-type in her House of Style days, or maybe even Madonna during her Like a Virgin tour. You know, a real token of appreciation and acknowledgment. If you stopped paying attention to this network back when David Lee Roth still had hair, I'll offer three cases in point: MADE It's Anthony Robbins, with cooler graphics! One struggling teen calls for life-changing empowerment, and the MTV pros sweep in to give the awkward adolescent a roadmap for success. Sure, the contender squirms and thrashes throughout the process, but by the end of the hour, a bud has surely blossomed. The message? Anything truly IS possible, as long as you're willing to do the work, you've got guidance from people who've already made it, and there are cameras in your face to keep you on task. BOILING POINTS It's Don't Sweat the Small Stuff with a timer and a professional human gnat! Some pita-wrapping nitwit won't take your order? Smile passively for 15 minutes, and you COULD win The $100 Prize.* Chances are you won't, but it COULD happen. The message? Keep your cool, man, no matter what. Cuz you really do look stupid when you flip out over a pita. TRIPPIN It's global awareness, Hollywood style! Cameron Diaz and her SAG-card-holding friends serve up healthy doses of environmentalism and activism. Cameron's effervescence makes the whole "We Are the World" game look so fresh and easy, I nearly started recycling. The message? Reducing, reusing, and recycling ROCKS when you're rich 'n beautiful and you've got rich 'n beautiful friends! Thanks, MTV. It's good to know those radio stars didn't die in vain. *Hey MTV – you can't even buy an MP3 player with a Benjamin these days. Unhinge the stinge, guys! Enjoyed this American Midol column? Or diabolically incensed by its uselessness? Either way, you're invited to check out all of Lani Voivod's Midol spasms right here. Wanna sound off on this subject? Send your feedback to comments@deadbrain.com! Related Articles American Midol: A Big Ol' Lancer Shout Out to Shane Nickerson Jul 11 2005
American Midol: The Sweet Suck of My Success
Jul 4 2005
American Midol: Down with R.I.P.? Rippers Holla, "No, Not Me!"
Jun 27 2005
American Midol: I Married a Star Wars Junkie, or, Darn That "Inescapable Destiny" Thing
May 16 2005
American Midol: An Open Apology to "FOJG" – Friends of Josh Groban
May 9 2005
American Midol: Hollywood Dawgs Playing Poker
Apr 25 2005
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