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As Animals Flee Michael Jackson, Freaks Converge on a Neverland in Transition
The shocking announcement from Thomas Mesereau that his client Michael Jackson would give up the practice of sharing his bed with young boys has left the boy-loving pop singer's menagerie of animals fearing that they will soon be forced to leave the safety of their habitat for Jackson's bed.
The animals feared for their livelihood during Jackson's child molestation trial, but found their worries weren't behind them following his June 13 acquittal.
"At first we were relieved," explained a Neverland koala bear who asked to remain anonymous. "This place might be weird, but it's less of a tenement than your average zoo." But according to the koala, the mood of the Neverland animals changed dramatically after the announcement that boys would never be invited to Jackson's bedroom again.
"When we heard that he wasn't going to be sleeping with boys we knew bad things were on the horizon," the koala said. Noting concerns for his own safety, the koala said he would be leading an exodus from the California ranch.
"The truth is I'm just too pretty to resist, and the chimps know all too well the trouble their opposable thumbs could get them into. We've all watched Madagascar at the Neverland theatre, and we're ready to get out of here."
According to sources in the neighboring woods, the exodus will not be limited to Jackson's animals. "Squirrels, raccoons, bear cubs - we're all out of here," explained woodland creature Tubby Bunny.
As the animal kingdom prepares to flee Jackson's neighborhood, an array of adult misfits and freaks have offered themselves at the self-proclaimed King of Pop's bedroom. Leading the pack is Fox News Channel's Geraldo Rivera, who revealed that he frequently "comforted" the overrated singer during his trial.
"It's just like Michael has said, sharing his bed is a magical experience," Geraldo explained during his expose, Michael Jackson: Only Good Touches. "There was warm milk and cookies and he never touched me anyplace I didn't want to be touched," adding with a blush that "if anything, he may have been too much of a gentleman."
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