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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Brad Pitt |
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| You are humming to the tune of: Home > Entertainment | October 10th |
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Runaway Bride Is New Greyhound SpokespersonJun 30 2005 by JL Strickland
"Some may wonder why we chose a reputedly unstable person to represent us," Mr. Numbutt said. "But if compared to the average Greyhound passenger, Jennifer Wilbanks is as stable as Dr. Joyce Brothers." Asked when the first ads and TV spots would be seen, Mr. Numbutt replied, "It's indefinite right now. We were supposed to start shooting yesterday but she disappeared and we haven't found her yet." In her interview with Katie Couric, Wilbanks said she originally planned to runaway to Texas. "Can you line dance?" Katie asked seriously. "Show us a step or two?" Wilbanks explained that she saw a TV show with Matthew McConaughey touring his Austin hometown. Afterwards, she was gripped by the overwhelming desire to flee to the Lone Star State. "Matthew McConaughey's hot!" Katie Couric gasped insightfully. But Wilbanks said she ended up in New Mexico because the Texas bus station was in a rough part of town and she was afraid to get off the bus. "I decided I would be safer staying on the bus with the barefooted, shaggy guy who kept making rooster noises and the man with taped eyeglasses who kept arguing with his reflection in the window," she sobbed. "Besides, the bus driver was kinda cute." "Guys in uniform rock!" Katie Couric sighed with empathy. Then Couric pointed out to Jennifer that with all the money she's raking in, she could be as rich as Paris Hilton. "I'll never be as rich as Paris, "Wilbanks sobbed. "My fiancée is practicing celibacy and there's no way he'd agree to do one of those motel sex videos. I'd have to force fellatio on someone else." "Like who?" Katie Couric asked sincerely. '"I'm trying to get in touch with Brad Pitt," Wilbanks answered, chin trembling. "Brad Pitt is rocking hot!" Katie Couric thoughtfully moaned, biting her fingers. Get DeadBrain delivered to your Inbox! Click here to sign up at our parent site. Consider the weekly and monthly editions, each of which contain all-new, laugh-out-loud office comedy you won't see on the website!
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