| |
The WB Frog Is Alive...He's Alive!
WB television network executives say they lied about the death of their 50-year-old mascot, Michigan J. Frog, to protect him while he undergoes treatment for his drug addictions.
"To reassure our fans - all 40 or 50 of them - Michigan J. Frog is alive and undergoing treatment at an undisclosed facility in Arizona,'' said WB chairman Garth Ancier.
"We concocted the story because we wanted to ease him out of the picture," Ancier said. "He first appeared in 1955, and that's an eternity in television or real life."
But Ancier said the network received such a backlash from a small cadre of WB fans, as well as a glut of "WB frog croaks" media stories, that "We felt we had to come clean.
"Let's face it, a dead frog isn't what we want associated with our network. A live frog isn't much better, but we'll have to take what we can get. He served us well for these 50 years, as best I can tell. He never got us to the level of ABC, NBC, CBS or Fox, but, then again, neither have I."
The Frog said in a telephone interview that he's "been addicted to painkillers, cocaine and LSD for a number of years - not unlike some people in show business.
"I was clean and straight for a number of years," Frog said. "But the pressures of promoting shows like Reba, Gilmore Girls and other schlock just got to me. I turned to drugs.
"It got really bad this summer while preparing for the upcoming season," he said. "I just couldn't take it anymore. I tried to kill myself by diving into a huge blender after taking LSD, but somehow survived. Then my drug usage only got worse - and more expensive -- from there."
Frog said he was grateful to WB executives for coming up with a cover story, but "I felt I owed it to my family and my fans to tell the truth. If I'm lucky, I'll beat this addiction, go on Oprah, and then offers from other networks will start pouring in."
Get DeadBrain delivered to your Inbox! Click here to sign up at our parent site. Consider the weekly and monthly editions, each of which contain all-new, laugh-out-loud office comedy you won't see on the website!
|
|
