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Baby, It's Cold Inside
Part of the Christmas credo is that it's better to give than receive. That must be true, because retailers in the U.S. want to give their customers something special this year: a one-way ticket to bankruptcy.
Afraid that consumers might waste all their hard-earned money on the basic necessities of staying alive before they can get to the mall, retailers have begun their holiday ad campaigns earlier than ever, with some urging consumers to begin their Christmas shopping as early as a few weeks before Halloween.
According to a retail industry shill who was quoted in a recent New York Times article, with fuel costs expected to be 50 percent higher compared to last year for some homeowners, the main purpose of the early advertising was to "[get] to shoppers before they see their first heating bills."
Who needs money for oil or gas when you can spend it on really important things, like an even bigger TV than the six you already have or a designer sweater for your dog? After all, Junior can always huddle around the heat given off by that new XBox for warmth.
So what if the lack of heat has Jack Frost nipping at your nose and toes and eventually your vital organs? At least as hypothermia sets in you'll be comforted by the fact you were able to buy your daughter the latest must-have version of the iPod (until the new, improved one comes out next month and makes it obsolete).
Instead of focusing all of your time and energy on finding exactly the right gift for that cousin you don't talk to much, and never really liked in the first place, perhaps you should wonder how, despite the "shortages" caused by Hurricane Katrina, ExxonMobil made a profit of nearly $10 billion in the third quarter.
But the retailers don't want you to worry about that - Santa Claus is coming to town! And as long as you keep buying crap you don't need and can't afford, he doesn't really care if you've been naughty or nice.
Hankerin' for more crotchety goodness? The Curmudgeon Bastard has a blog you could check out, once you scram on outta here…
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