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The Curmudgeon Bastard: Steakhouse Rules
Have you ever noticed how moronic some marketing slogans are? One of the dopiest is used in TV commercials for an alleged Aussie-styled steakhouse chain.
It's annoying enough to sit through an advertisement chockfull of jump-cut edits combining SFX-enhanced food with people having way too much fun dining in a cheesy theme restaurant. But when they hit you with the tagline "No rules, just right," I have to wonder, are any of these advertising geniuses paying attention?
Because when it comes to preparing food I'm about to ingest into my body, I actually think it's a good idea if there are some rules. Particularly those suggested by the health department.
You know, those pesky guidelines about storing meat at temperatures cold enough to keep the salmonella outbreaks down. Or the regulations that keep the rat turds and dead cockroaches mixed into the ground beef to a minimum.
Another rule I'm quite fond of is "Employees Must Wash Hands After Using the Restroom." Otherwise I really don't want to think about where the house Cabernet sauce gets its special tangy flavor from, if you know what I mean.
And here's a regulation I can get behind: "If your steak falls on the greasy, disgusting kitchen floor, we won't toss it back on the plate and serve it to you anyway." Unless of course, you order your steak well-done. In that case they can throw the meat back on the barbie, cremate it another couple of minutes, and you won't be any the wiser.
And I've always considered "No shirt, no service" a keeper, especially in these times of living large when nearly a third of Americans are clinically obese. The last thing I need to see while trying to eat is some hairy, bare-chested guy with man-breasts sweating up a storm at the next table.
I guess I'm just too much of a straight-arrow, color-inside-the-lines kind of guy to enjoy the freewheeling world of the Australian outback, because when it comes to my digestive tract, if there are no rules, it just can't be right.
Hankerin' for more crotchety goodness? The Curmudgeon Bastard has a blog you could check out, once you scram on outta here…
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