A Dysfunctional Family of Five Reviews...Brokeback Mountain!

Is your "gaydar" going off yet? Maybe not, since this is possibly the least gay gay movie ever made. It's even less gay than Ang Lee's last movie, The Hulk. Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal play the gay caballeros who do the pining, and the laying o' the pine.

Sis: How could they not find two gay men in Hollywood to do this? What, were Cruise and Diesel busy? Now they've ruined my movie-going experience for the next twenty years! I'll never look at Heath and Jake "that way" again. Why, Teen People, why?

Mom: Word.

Bro: It seemed really manly, at least for the parts where Mom wasn't covering my eyes. It's definitely changed the course of my life. Dad, I wanna be a COWBOY!

Dad: Whatever floats your boat, son. Just remember, a dollop of hair gel ups your confidence level from a five to a ten. And argyle can be the greatest secret weapon for any occasion.

Baby: It reminded me of Closer, in that the director's sensitivity overrode the desire to put the allegedly rawest footage into the final cut. Which is good for a kid who eats his bananas mashed. Actually, that makes no sense. But then again, I'm a baby reviewing a gay cowboy movie. Think about it.

Verdict: A good old-fashioned tale of forbidden love, American style - how can you go wrong with that? Yee-haw!


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