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| You are drifting somewhere near: Home > Entertainment | September 9th |
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The Health Report: Studies Show President Bush Does Not Have DementiaOct 12 2006 by Kelly Mahan Jaramillo
However, the September 2006 Journal of Neurology published findings indicating that older adults with memory complaints, despite normal test results, may actually be exhibiting the earliest signs of dementia, according to a study conducted at Dartmouth Medical School in Hanover, New Hampshire. The White House was ecstatic about the means and the outcome of much of the study, and immediately called a press conference, where a glowing Condoleezza Rice read from the study as Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and the WME's Dr. Eudaimonia beamed from the sidelines. Rice's voice rang out strong. "The study utilized special MRI tests to evaluate various brain regions in various test subjects. There were 40 subjects who complained of memory loss in the absence of dementia, 40 subjects with early dementia, and 40 healthy comparison subjects. Patients with psychiatric disorders, significant brain disease, or those under 60 were excluded from the study. "Furthermore, the neurologists conducting the study noted that their subjects had relatively high education levels and I.Q. scores." Shining a never-before-seen dazzling smile towards the cameras, Rice continued. "The President fits into all of the untested categories, and if the neurologists at Dartmouth did not feel a need to test such people, then those people are obviously mentally healthy, just like the President. We hope this study will silence once and for all the unpatriotic suggestions that President Bush, winner of the War on Terror, has dementia. Thank you, and God Bless America." Rice, believing her microphone was turned off, stepped off the podium and walked towards Rumsfeld. "Dementia, indeed," she shook her head. "Rummy, wasn't that some other guy?" Something strange is going on inside the White House - does the Weapons of Mass Euphoria Team have the cure, or are they the culprits? Check out the reports from deep inside the WME.
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