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Local Families Discover the Trouble with Honesty
13 Aug 2003 by Brian J. Banach
Billy and Thomas Quigley, ages 5 and 6, have used their ability to absorb their environment's visual cues and expressed their findings on the sidewalk in front of their suburban home. However, the chalk quotation, "Mommy Has A Big Fat Ass", has neighboring parents concerned about the dangerous combination of youth and honesty.
"I couldn't believe what I saw," said fellow neighborhood parent Ellen McAfee. "Just the other day my daughter had chalked 'Timmy Greene smells' in front of our house. It seemed so innocent in comparison."
McAfee added, "Timmy's mother told me it was a simple wiping difficulty."
"Many parents across the country have become engulfed with the idea of teaching their children to be honest," renowned psychologist Dr. Morgan Fanberg told DeadBrain. "But they've forgotten to teach them about the importance of little white lies that don't hurt anyone, or just learning to keep their damn mouths shut when you leave the barn door open and forget to put your underwear on that day. I wasn't my fault! I was six years old!" Fanberg then broke into tears, and we concluded the interview.
Other parents have chosen to embrace the culture of honesty and speak the truth to their children as well. Already, public forums have been held to inform youngsters of the truth about Santa Claus, why grandma doesn't visit anymore, and which child really is their favorite. In a closed door session to which DeadBrain reporters were not invited, children were also told the truth about the female orgasm.
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