| |
Hot, Sexy, Girl-Next-Door Type Finds G-Spot, God
Aug 26 2003 by Lucky Lani
When Abigail Dixon woke up yesterday, she assumed it would be an ordinary day. But for the 23-year-old human resources representative from Lansing, Michigan, the day was anything except ordinary.
“I jumped into the shower, you know, to get ready for work, but I had a little extra time. So I took my shower massager out of its cradle and started doing a little, ah, creative exploring. It started feeling really good. I mean, REALLY good. Um, do you know if my dad visits this site?”
Assured by the trembling beat reporter that he would personally guarantee her father never gain access to this or any other website on the Internet, Miss Dixon continued: “I kind of, well, I was compelled to probe a bit. Nothing nasty – like, no shampoo bottles or anything – it was totally organic. That’s when I hit IT, and I swear on my dead Aunt Lucy’s grave, in that moment, I met my Maker, and it was good. I will never be the same again.”
Upon hearing the beat reporter’s account at an impromptu staff meeting, several members of the DeadBrain team insisted on calling, emailing and/or visiting Miss Dixon’s home to verify her story.
“Miss Dixon is 5’ 7”, with long, thick, auburn hair, shapely legs, and a firm yet abundant posterior. I bet she’s got a whole alphabet of spots, if you know what I mean,” said John Cloran, Director of Public Affairs.
“When I saw Miss Dixon, I started to get religious myself,” said Dirk Reltub, Sanitation Specialist. “Let’s just say it wouldn’t have taken Jesus three days to rise if Miss Dixon was on the scene.”
A.C. Colonna, DeadBrain’s detective-for-hire, is feverishly committed to uncovering the whole story. “It’s puzzling that it’s taken her so long to find something that someone more experienced, more task-oriented – someone like myself, really – could have helped her find years ago. I can’t help but wonder, what else has this poor maiden been missing out on? Mark my words, I will find out, and I will make things right, if it’s the last thing I do.”
|
|
