| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Katie Couric |
![]() |
| You accidentally discovered: Home > Local News | January 7th |
|
Beauty Queen Sues Miss America Over Repetitive Stress Injuries Sep 2 2003 by Diesel Estedman Former Kentucky beauty queen Missie Elliott – no relation to hip hop diva Missy “Misdemeanor” Elliott – announced she’s suing The Miss America Organization for injuries sustained during her tenure as 1999’s second runner up. “I was okay with the strict weight requirements associated with this prestigious position. Colonics and raw vegetable diets and weekly weigh-ins were a cinch. I didn’t even mind having my jaw wired shut the day I tipped the scales at 108. After all, I was about to tour the country as second runner up. I had to look the part. But it’s the other, more unreasonable expectations that caused me pain.” When asked to elaborate, she continued. “No one can say I wasn’t dedicated, but the four hours of daily pageant wave practice and three hours balancing the "L" encyclopedia on my head while walking on tip toes was just too much.” At this point Miss Elliott buried her face in her hands, weeping. As she did so, her sleeve fell away, revealing a splint on her right arm. “In the months that followed the competition, my schedule was grueling. That’s when things went downhill. Chronic headaches, swollen arches, and carpel tunnel. No one wants a beauty queen who wears Easy Spirits and wrist guards.” When asked why it’s taken so long to come forward with her suit, Miss Elliott regained her composure. “They tried to keep me quiet. They told me no one would believe that a simple ‘elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist, wrist’ wave was enough to cripple someone. And for a while, I believed them. But I cannot live a lie. If I can save just one beautiful girl from being prematurely crippled, it’s worth it.” Miss Elliott’s lawyer Jon E. Cockren – no relation to high profile attorney Johnny Cochran – calls his client “a brave soul who will get everything she deserves.” Details of the suit are being kept very hush-hush. A spokesperson for the Miss America Organization declined to comment.
|
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Copyright ©2003-2008 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Survey | Vermin |