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Bush's Vocal Coach Resigns Over Endless "Nuclear" Mispronunciations
Aug 15 2003 by Allen Voivod
Tex Whitcombe finally met his match in George W. Bush.
The renowned vocal coach, who has trained the likes of Jesse Jackson and Arnold Schwarzenegger, resigned today, citing complete frustration with Bush's refusal to correctly pronounce the word "nuclear."
"He thinks it sounds folksy, that it endears him to the public," Whitcombe told reporters. "He's wrong. It makes him sound like a moonshine-swillin' jackass. He knows how to say it, but he just refuses to do it right."
Insiders report that Whitcombe's relationship with Bush has been strained since a July 17th press conference Bush held with British Prime Minister Tony Blair. During that event, Bush repeatedly pronounced the word as 'new-cue-lur,' which even caused Mr. Blair to roll his eyes and smirk at one point. Whitcombe, who had been standing in the back of the room, uttered a loud groan after the last mispronunciation and stormed out, slamming the door behind him.
White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan dismissed the importance of Whitcombe to Bush's reelection campaign. "Al Gore had perfect diction, and we still beat him. We've got a different kind of diction, it's a good diction, and I think the American people like our diction just fine."
Whitcombe's first major client was Rev. Jesse Jackson. "You couldn't understand a word he said before I got to him, and you can't understand a word he says now, but when we worked together…that was magic." As for Schwarzenegger, Whitcombe says, "Arnie worked so hard to learn English when he came to America, he sounded like some pantywaist Disneyland tour guide when I got to him."
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