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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Dick Cheney |
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| You are misplaced along with: Home > Global News | February 10th |
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 Anonymous "Dick" Leaks New Draft of Bush's “Road Map to Peace” Sep 18 2003 by Phinneas Zoquo The tattered, wrinkled remnants of President George Bush’s first and apparently only attempt at drafting his own “road map to peace” in the Middle East has been leaked to DeadBrain by a White House insider. The unwitting source of the leak, whom we’ll refer to simply as “Dick” for purposes of anonymity, had discarded the document in a White House hallway trash receptacle while on his way to the bathroom, in a fit of hysterics after a meeting with the President. After this correspondent deftly pocketed the paper, “Dick” emerged from the bathroom, still beet red and chuckling to himself. When asked why he was laughing, he said, “That was some funny stuff. I thought I was going to have another heart attack.” When asked what exactly was “funny stuff,” he regained his composure long enough to say, “The President made a … really … funny … joke…” He then succumbed to another fit of laughter, eventually collapsing to the floor and requiring defibrillation. The truth behind the near-fatal laughter becomes apparent upon examination of the hand-written document, dated August 4th, 2003. Presumably, this “road map” is Bush’s attempt to reconcile the road map currently being ignored and mocked throughout the Middle East. Though much of it is unintelligible and/or crossed out, it contains the following: Howdy Ariel and Yasser, How’s life in and around Zion? Not to [sic] bad here. Anyway, y’all gotta knock it off, because your [sic] starting to piss me off. I think I’ve got a solution – Ariel, you give up the Gaza Strip, and Yasser, you give up the West Bank (including Jerusalem), and Golan Heights. Trust me, that’s the way Jebus [sic] wants it. If you have any questions, call Colin, because I’m heading to my ranch for the next month or so. G.W.B. It should also be noted that Bush dotted his letters ‘i’ with intricately drawn portraits of National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice. Related Articles New al-Jazeera TV Show Premieres -- "Bush Unplugged" Sep 12 2003 Secret Service Employs Sex Doll to Train for Presidential Choking Event Sep 5 2003 U.S. Seeks Coalition, U.N. Aid in Deficit Crunch Aug 31 2003 Power Outage Traced to Amish "Evangelistic Crusade" 19 Aug 2003 Colin Powell: "I'm a Warmongering SOB" Aug 4 2003
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