| |
Arnold Announces “Idiot Voter” Ballot Proposition
Oct 10 2003 by Ryan Moore
Governor-elect Arnold has already announced his intention to bypass the legislature and use ballot propositions to go directly to the people: “I didn’t admire everything about Hitler, but I always loved his complete contempt for the democratic process, and his ability to use poor economic conditions created by the federal government as a pretext to seize total, absolute power.”
The ballot for Arnold’s Prop. 124 will read as follows:
“By voting ‘yes,’ I, the voter of California, acknowledge that I am a complete and total idiot. While it’s been obvious for some time that I have not even the most basic understanding of the democratic process or my duties as a citizen of such a democracy, I further acknowledge that I no longer deserve autonomy over my own brain, body, or motor functions, and agree to turn all said functions over to Governor Schwarzenegger immediately. I hereby pledge myself, body and soul, now and for eternity, to Lord Arnold. Hasta la vista, baby, Total Recall, Terminator, Conan, Junior, Stop or My Mom Will Shoot, True Lies, Kindergarten Cop, Twins, Jingle All the Way, It’s not a tumor.”*
Hank Ballard, of Bakersfield, CA, enthusiastically supports Prop. 124: “Sure, at first I was a little iffy about givin’ up all my whatchacallit thinkin’ and auto-tonomy and what not, but if the demmy-crats are against it and it makes my car tax go down, it’s alright with me. All hail Lord Arnold! NEEEEEEEEEEEE-HA!”
Ballard then fired a shotgun enthusiastically in the air.
* Those who complain that “Stop or My Mom Will Shoot” is, in fact, a Sylvester Stallone movie, will be immediately dragged from the polling place and shot.
|
|
