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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · George W Bush |
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| You are standing next to: Home > Global News | November 20th |
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 Exclusive: Bush Foreign Policy Based on Lousy Star Wars Movie Script Jan 3 2004 by Allen Voivod DeadBrain has learned that the aggressive foreign policy pursued by the Bush Administration was inspired by Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. This earth-shattering revelation came after reviewing confidential files from a high-level White House source known only by the code name "Shallow Esophagus." Esophagus turned over a file folder with the handwritten legend "Osama/Saddam," the sole content of which was a Clones script dated July 13, 2001 and printed on red paper. DeadBrain handwriting analysts concluded that the "Osama/Saddam" label was written by either President George W. Bush or by a three-fingered geriatric Mongoloid named Steve. DeadBrain asked foreign policy expert Manfred Butlet to meet with noted Star Wars enthusiast James Kuge in an attempt to analyze this discovery. After agreeing that Twi'leks were hot but they'd never sleep with one, Butlet and Kuge came up with some startling parallels. "Bush is like Palpatine," they said. "He wants more defense spending to raise an army, and he needs a war to do it. So Palpatine gets his buddy Count Dooku to stoke up some terrorist action on the sly, just like Bush and Osama. How rude!" Despite being assured that anyone outside the Star Wars community would be utterly lost at this point, Kuge and Butlet continued unabated. "The Bush family does business with the bin Ladens, so they could've set something up with Osama. And the Reagan/Bush administration was totally in bed with Saddam back in the 80s – who knows what's been going on since then? It's like the Sith Lords going underground to stay off the Jedis' radar." But which came first – the script or the foreign policy? George Lucas couldn't be reached for comment, but Kuge offered this observation: "Everyone knows you can't make a good movie from a bad script. Clones was the worst Star Wars script so far, and Bush's foreign policy is the worst since before the first Star Wars came out. Maybe Bush is Lucas' CGI figurehead dictator or something." "If that's the case," Butlet added, "they should have used Peter Jackson. Lord of the Rings' CGI was way better." Related Articles Canuck Resistance to CIA Coup Stiffens; Rumsfeld Says No New Troops Needed Jan 1 2004 With Saddam Gone, Iraqi Looting REALLY Takes Off! Dec 30 2003 Bush Hails CIA Coup In Ottawa Dec 27 2003 In Biggest Vocal Gaffe Yet, Bush Promises Troops "Home by Christmas" Dec 23 2003 Bush Testicles "Not Steel," Claims Source Dec 19 2003 Routine Iraqi Carjacking Results In Army's Overwhelming Use of Force, Death of Cat Dec 17 2003
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