 |
|
|
|
|
| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Michael Jackson |
|
 |
|
| You have been flattened by: Home > News | November 20th |
| |
|
 Terrorist Almanac Reader Cell BustedJan 10 2004 by Carrie Covell
A concerned citizen has helped to uncover an almanac reader cell, after hearing FBI warnings of possible links between almanac use and terrorism. Authorities have warned the public that terrorists may use the almanacs for their wealth of information from A to Z. A tip from an anonymous source resulted in the New Year's Day apprehension of more than a dozen individuals on charges ranging from almanac laundering to almanac possession. On Christmas Eve, a tipster revealed that a man had checked out of Wal-Mart with at least a dozen almanacs. The tipster had followed the man to a U-Ship-It Center where some of the almanacs were disguised as gifts and packaged for shipment. The tipster then followed the man to a residence before reporting to the police. A search of the residence, believed to be the group's headquarters, revealed a collection of almanacs dating back to the 1960s, shelved alongside such other potentially dangerous tomes as a thesaurus, both a Merriam-Webster and a Cambridge dictionary, and encyclopedias. Four almanacs wrapped as Christmas presents were hidden beneath a Christmas tree. Records subpoenaed from the U-Ship-It Center led to coordinated raids by police departments from seven cities in three states, and the arrests of 16 individuals. One unfortunate suspect was discovered on the throne reading an almanac at the time of the raid. An investigation continues into allegations of child almanac use at several of the raided sites, and pet rock neglect at another. A neighbor of the supposed ringleader said, "Wall, he always were a strange sorter fella. Real bookish like, wore a strange hat and smoked a pipe. Dint never zip his galoshes neither." Authorities are now warning the public to also be on the lookout for code books disguised as girl's diaries, code busters that look like cereal prizes, mood rings, and colored chalk. Further details are being withheld in the interest of national security. Related Articles Media in Iraq Ordered to Report from Army News Handouts Only or Be Shot Jan 7 2004 Exclusive: Bush Foreign Policy Based on Lousy Star Wars Script Jan 3 2004 Exclusive: Bush Foreign Policy Based on Lousy Star Wars Movie Script Jan 3 2004 Canuck Resistance to CIA Coup Stiffens; Rumsfeld Says No New Troops Needed Jan 1 2004 With Saddam Gone, Iraqi Looting REALLY Takes Off! Dec 30 2003 Bush Hails CIA Coup In Ottawa Dec 27 2003
|
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| |
| Copyright ©2003-2008 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Survey | Vermin |