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| You are misplaced along with: Home > News | March 10th |
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 DeadBrain, at US Army's Request, Reports on Iraq's Shiny, Happy PeopleJan 13 2004 by Andy Grainger
In keeping with the new and safer policy of only reporting positive news from Iraq, DeadBrain has been finding success stories everywhere. We interviewed a happy Baghdad citizen cleaning dung from a US Army humvee."Like many Iraqi boys, I was named Saddam Hussein after our deposed President. Since the occupation, I'd been trying to think of a new name. Thank Allah, one of my new American friends christened me. A Marine called me 'Hajii Motherf***er'. I have never been happier!" Mr. Motherf***er turned and waved as a passing Halliburton Security Team called him by name and continued on. "My two oldest sons, Saddam Ali and Ali Hussein wouldn't change theirs, though. They just keep shooting soldiers and planting mines. Kids! Saddam Ali came in second in the 'Biggest Roadside Bomb' contest last week. Couldn't help but be proud. "Job opportunities for astrophysicists have been limited lately, so I've been making ends meet by helping the Americans keep the peace. My neighbor's dog was constantly barking, so I told the MP's that he was a terrorist. They broke down his door at four in the morning and arrested him! Shot his dog, too." Hajii then said he had to get going to work. He's landed a job at the new BremerMart and says that next year, Iraqis might be allowed to shop there. We walked with him as he lined up at the first of twelve checkpoints on the way downtown. "I've got to do well and make some money for food. The Missus has just given birth to twin boys - Dubya and Blair. I think they're going to be two of the biggest Motherf***ers ever! Bye for now." We watched as the checkpoint soldiers yelled at him, "Hajii! On the ground, Motherf***er!" and began a strip search. We wished him well. Next week on DeadBrain: Why Iraqi children would rather work in AOL call-centers than go to school. Related Articles Terrorist Almanac Reader Cell Busted Jan 10 2004 Media in Iraq Ordered to Report from Army News Handouts Only or Be Shot Jan 7 2004 Exclusive: Bush Foreign Policy Based on Lousy Star Wars Script Jan 3 2004 Exclusive: Bush Foreign Policy Based on Lousy Star Wars Movie Script Jan 3 2004 Canuck Resistance to CIA Coup Stiffens; Rumsfeld Says No New Troops Needed Jan 1 2004 With Saddam Gone, Iraqi Looting REALLY Takes Off! Dec 30 2003
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