 |
|
|
|
|
| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Michael Jackson |
|
 |
|
| You have been flattened by: Home > News | November 20th |
| |
|
 Airlines Turn Over Mile-High Club Passenger Data to Federal GovernmentJan 19 2004 by Allen Voivod
In yet another blow to the privacy rights of air travelers, the Air Transport Association confirmed today that the industry turned over confidential passenger data on members of the Mile High Club to sweaty-palmed members of the federal government.Speaking to reporters, Bush Press Secretary Scott McClellan said, "Nobody's complained about all the snuff films we've imported from Iraq during the last ten months, so the President doesn't understand why this is such a big deal." The ATA, a trade organization representing 27 major air and cargo carriers, used miniature video cameras and face-matching software to cross-reference passengers to airline manifest data. ATA spokesman Rick Josephson said that copies were urgently requested by the Bush administration, specifically by Attorney General John Ashcroft, who complained of a run in his nylons during a meeting with Josephson. "The camera's in the lavatory smoke detector," Josephson also revealed. "That's why the fines are so high for messing with them. Actually, I'm surprised [camera footage] hasn't shown up on the Internet by now, like with the pictures of women flashing their Susan B.'s at Disney's 'Splash Mountain.'" As with other passenger data, the video files were turned over to NASA, where they were reviewed on the main viewing screens at a darkened Mission Control in Houston. Rumors that taxpayer-funded handkerchiefs emblazoned with the NASA logo were handed out to Operations personnel could not be confirmed. The Bush administration has been considered the most sexless administration since William McKinley's 1897-1901 term of office, notwithstanding a brief resumption of the torrid affair between Donald Rumsfeld and Saddam Hussein. DeadBrain's UK edition chronicled their past relationship, and the US edition will present breaking news on their affair this Wednesday! Related Articles DeadBrain, at US Army's Request, Reports on Iraq's Shiny, Happy People Jan 13 2004 Terrorist Almanac Reader Cell Busted Jan 10 2004 Media in Iraq Ordered to Report from Army News Handouts Only or Be Shot Jan 7 2004 Exclusive: Bush Foreign Policy Based on Lousy Star Wars Script Jan 3 2004 Exclusive: Bush Foreign Policy Based on Lousy Star Wars Movie Script Jan 3 2004 Canuck Resistance to CIA Coup Stiffens; Rumsfeld Says No New Troops Needed Jan 1 2004
|
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| |
| Copyright ©2003-2008 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Survey | Vermin |