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Saddam's Diaries: The Honeymoon with Rumsfeld, and First Worries
Jan 27 2004 by Allen Voivod
Readers of the final installment of Rumsfeld's Diaries will recall that Rumsfeld and Saddam were reunited in a safe-house on April 12, 2003, three days after the fall of Baghdad.
Rumsfeld's Diaries for the next two weeks contained a series of doodles - hearts, rocket ships, even a detailed sketch of a naked Saddam in repose. These doodles were peppered with occasional written declarations ("DR+SH," "Omigod!" and "LOVE LOVE LOVE!!" to mention a few).
Soon, Rumsfeld left for the Middle East and a tour of the new US fiefdom. On April 30, when Rumsfeld visited British troops in Basra, Saddam recorded his first diary entry. "So strange to be here," he wrote. "So queer to be in Donald's country and see him on the TV in mine. He looks so silly in the military gear - like a boy playing at manhood. My silly little Donald, how I've missed you and your tender touches."
Based on these and other entries, DeadBrain's analysts believe that Rumsfeld moved Saddam to his dairy farm in upstate New York, and that Rumsfeld spends an abnormal amount of time and energy taking care of his skin.
"One morning, the sun came in and lit up Donny's beautiful sleeping face," Saddam wrote. "But he woke immediately and dashed to close the blinds. 'What's the matter?' I asked him. 'The sun,' he said, and he pulled from his nightstand an enormous bottle of skin lotion. 'Please,' I said, 'we're not young anymore, and we did it four times last night.' But that wasn't it at all. He rubbed the cream into his face and demanded to know how long the sun had been shining on him. 'Was it only my face? Where else? WHERE ELSE?!' He was raving, desperate and fearful. Who is this man? Do I really know him?"
It was a question that, over the following months, would come to torment Saddam. "I've made an incredible leap of faith," Saddam wrote. "Our fortunes have moved in opposite directions since we first fell in love. Has the time, the world, changed him? Me? Us?"
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