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Woman Returns from London with Annoying Phony Accent
Jan 31 2004 by Kim Kilduff
Lisa Winters' friends have complained about her affected speech ever since she returned from London two months ago. "At first it started out with her emails," said friend Maggie Jones. "She would write 'mobile' instead of 'cell phone' or 'colour' instead of 'color.' She would end her emails or IMs with 'pip pip, cheerio!'"
"Then it gradually got worse," chimed in another friend, Matt Kaye. "About a month ago we were at the Beer Garden and all of sudden she came out with "Oy, I'm right pissed!' in this really bad accent! I was like, WTF?!"
"Now all she does is call people 'toffs' and 'mates,'" added Jones. "The other day she asked me if I wanted to 'pop down to the shops to buy some knickers and maybe get a takeaway for lunch.' It was like when Madonna first came back from the UK with the lingo and bad accent."
"I guess my love affair with anything British first started when I saw Four Weddings and a Funeral," Ms. Winters said in a terrible imitation of a cockney accent. "I immediately fell in love with all things English. Then I saw Notting Hill and really got into it. But when I saw Love, Actually, I knew I had to visit! I booked my ticket right after that. Cor, I really fancy that bloke Hugh Grant. And Prince William too."
"If this keeps up, we'll have to do an intervention of some kind," Jones said. "Everyone is talking about how she's acting like a pretentious bitch."
"I guess if her accent was good, it would be funny, but it's just f***ing annoying now," added Kaye.
When reached for further comment, Winters said that she would like to see Australia next year. "That Russell Crowe is a right bonzer bloke," she sighed and then added, "Would you 'appen to 'ave a fag?"
When told of Winters' next vacation, Jones sighed. "We'll just have to kill her before she goes."
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