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| You are hovering over: Home > News | November 20th |
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 Bush Tells Grand Jury Literally "Everything" He Knows in Seven MinutesFeb 16 2004 by Chuck Terzella
President George Bush appeared before the Grand Jury investigating the White House leak of an undercover CIA agent's name yesterday. As he was entering the courtroom the President swore to the reporters gathered there, "I'm gonna tell 'em everything I know." In less than fifteen minutes the President was again in his limousine, headed back to the Oval Office. A source inside the Grand Jury told DeadBrain, "We couldn't believe it. Between the swearing in and getting situated and things, the President only talked for about seven minutes. And he told us everything he knows, literally. He started with kindergarten and ended with this morning...everything he knows, in seven minutes. We were amazed. Dan Quayle once took twenty six minutes to tell an investigation everything he knew, but the President broke that record by a mile." Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, who in addition to his other duties is now acting as the Administration's spy and strong arm man on the various investigatory panels, said, "Look, the American people don't want a President whose mind is all cluttered by facts and figures and stuff. A lot of knowledge can get in the way of quick decision making. Look at Iraq... no one sat around worrying, is this information true, is that information false. We took things on face value and just went in there and bombed the stuffing outta them. If we had waited till we knew everything we would have never gone in and let's face it...that war was a lot of fun there for awhile, the bombings on CNN, all those surrendering Iraqi troops. We would have missed all that." When pressed about whether or not seven minutes is still just too little a time for the head of the strongest nation in the world to recite everything he knows, Wegman, speaking on the condition of anonymity, replied, "Think about this...if Gore won and had to tell some committee everything he knew, we'd be there for weeks. At least this President will allow us to streamline the process." Related Articles Halliburton's New Profit Scheme: Mugging Soldiers on the Street Feb 5 2004 Bush's Intelligence, Memory Lapses Now Under Investigation Feb 4 2004 Bush and Blair Discuss Short-Hair Removal as Punishment for Saddam Feb 2 2004 Bush Makes It Crystal Clear Why We Attacked Iraq - Because There Was Tomfoolery Afoot! Jan 25 2004 Airlines Turn Over Mile-High Club Passenger Data to Federal Government Jan 19 2004 DeadBrain, at US Army's Request, Reports on Iraq's Shiny, Happy People Jan 13 2004
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