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Local Attorney Drooling at Potential for Gay Divorce Business
Feb 21 2004 by Elliott McMillan
Local divorce attorney Rickey Smith can't stop drooling. "I can't believe it. We stand at the cusp of the greatest thing to hit divorce law since prenuptial agreements," said the excited attorney. What is he so excited about?
Gay divorce.
The city of San Francisco has issued thousands of marriage licenses to date. The couples are considered married and are protected under the law as such. That means that laws such as community property apply to the newly married couples.
After wiping his chin, Smith continued. "See, 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Now, 50% of these gay marriages are going to end in divorce. That's, like, 100% of marriages." Smith had to stop to ask his secretary to bring him a new, dry bib.
Mathematician Harvey Moore pointed out that Smith's calculations are wrong. "His numbers are highly dubious. But, if he knew how to calculate percentages, I don't guess he'd have gone to law school."
Others don't share Smith's excitement. "That's why people hate lawyers," said San Francisco-based gay rights activist Ryan Schwartz. "These people are clearly in love, and are committed to lifelong, healthy relationships." Smith replied by pulling out a thick stack of files. One by one, he went through the files. "The Andersons...in love, committed. DIVORCED! The Fitzgeralds...in love, healthy and committed...DIVORCED! The Greens, so in love...DIVORCED! Love shmuv." Schwartz's reply was, "God, you are so gauche."
Smith has been spending his weekends and evenings doing research to help him with the expected onslaught of new business. "I've looked into animal visitation rights. These lesbians, they have lots of cats. I've also been looking into what happens to a Chinese kid when his daddies break up." Smith then changed into a clean shirt, one without copious amounts of saliva on it.
Sources say that Smith has been around town visiting auto dealerships and looking at new homes. His web browser also shows signs that he's been looking into investment and tax shelter opportunities. He wiped his chin with a sloppy rag and said, "I'm gonna make a killing!"
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