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Revealed: Arnold's Term as Governor Part of Latest Fox Reality Show
Feb 24 2004 by Allen Voivod
In a startling press conference yesterday, Arnold broke the incredible news:
"I am not the legitimate governor of your state. The Fox Network, through an actor portraying Congressman Darrell Issa, staged this entire recall petition and election as an experiment in American democracy." DeadBrain reporters confirmed that the statement does in fact sound better when read out loud in an Austrian accent that 30 years of life under American influences should have erased.
Governor Gray Davis, who had been in hiding in the mountainous territory bordering Pakistan and Afghanistan, made his triumphant return to Sacramento, and was immediately greeted with a 16% voter approval rating. "My mandate is clear," Davis told reporters. "I'm going to alienate everyone in this state until I'm forced to rule California like a dictator and secede from the Union. The rest of the nation won't miss us much, anyway. And we've got all sorts of WMDs in the state, unlike some other countries I could mention by name, so no Bush-family bully will mess with us."
But what will this mean for all the incredible changes California has seen during the Arnold administration? Arnold himself answered the question. "All laws that were passed during my time filming this reality show will be nullified. That means all the gay people in San Francisco came out of their closets for nothing. Go back into your closets and don't come back, because in the sequel, you die in the nuclear holocaust with the other three billion gays in California. Then the thong-wearing, hash-smoking, body-building straight men will liberate the planet."
Meanwhile, rumors that Governor Davis participated in a Fox reality show entitled "My Hopeless, Mortician-Like Scapegoat Fiancé," with one of Osama bin Laden's 24 sisters as part of a joint News Corp./CIA attempt to lure bin Laden out of hiding, won't be confirmed or denied until the September sweeps period.
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