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President Bush to Be Subtitled; Dennis Miller Diagnosed with HOS
Mar 6 2004 by NM Puff
Karl Rove, President Bush's political advisor, announced that future press conferences and interviews held by the President would be subtitled. "We are concerned that the President's message may not be getting out," said a serious Rove on Meet Thy Press, the Christian Broadcasting edition of Meet the Press.
Rove emphasized that concerns over the President's use of malapropisms, incomplete sentences, and halting incorrect references should not get in the way of his message. He stated that the President has agreed to the new format so that there is no confusion about what the President is thinking.
When asked if the change was inspired by the movie The Passion of the Christ, Rove responded affirmatively. "Not only do subtitles clarify what is being said, they give it an aura of authenticity that a direct hearing would not," said Rove. Rove was then asked if future budgetary and fiscal references would be in Roman numerals. Rove responded in the affirmative, noting that it worked for the Romans for centuries.
Meanwhile, Dennis Miller, former Saturday Night Live comedian and former Monday Night Football co-host, was admitted to Cedars-Sinai Hospital this past weekend with a rare form of hyper-obscurantism syndrome, commonly referred to as HOS.
Mr. Miller's personal physician, Dr. Melvin Punman, has denied rumors that Miller suffered from childhood erudition envy, considered the root cause of HOS. In a fit of pique, Dr. Punman asserted that Mr. Miller's attempt to create the longest pointless single sentence - ever - had placed a strain on Miller, which led to personal exhaustion triggering HOS.
"Dennis' attempt to enter the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest pointless sentence started when he tried to memorize the collected works of historian Arnold Toynbee. He thought it would provide enough information for his record attempt," said Punman.
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