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Donald Trump to Condoleezza Rice: "You're Fired!"
Apr 9 2004 by Allen Voivod
 Condoleezza Rice completely destroyed any chance Kwame Jackson had to win The Apprentice last night, squirming under persistent questioning about her failure to manage pop star Jessica Simpson's travel arrangements.
Declassified transcripts from the previously taped portion of next week's season finale reveal Donald Trump's surprise at Dr. Rice's performance. "Listen to all those half-truths and deflected answers. She's a total disaster! My only regret is that I didn't fire her sooner or get her in a three-way with Amy. Now that girl really tousled my comb-over!"
Dr. Rice, who is appearing under the pseudonym "Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth" on the show, relied on her credentials as a Stanford University provost and Chevron board member to become a contestant. "This was her exit strategy," said DeadBrain political analyst Frodrique Butlierre. "She wanted a position with Trump in case President Bush bungled a matter of dire national security and followed in his one-term father's footsteps."
Previously fired contestants, who were not privy to Dr. Rice's true identity, agreed with Trump's assessment of Rice/Omarosa.
"Jeez, and I thought Jessie [Connors] screwed me over pretty badly," Kristi Frank told DeadBrain. "Then I see Omarosa on TV, blaming everyone else and trying to hide her mistakes. Thank God she stopped working in Washington to be on the show. Can you imagine how bad she'd be if she held some sort of important political position?" Ms. Frank was then struck by a passing bolt of irony and faded into pop-culture obscurity.
Contestant Sam Solovey added, "I went the distance for Trump. I even shaved my armpits to be in that Miss USA contest commercial with him. To see Omarosa screw around like that makes me sick. Some people will do anything for fame and fortune - even if means cutting off her own penis."
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