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And Now, a PSA from the Automobile Manufacturers of America
Apr 21 2004 by Andy Grainger
In reply to left-leaning environmentalist's concerns about the emergence of big, beautiful American trucks, and their alleged contribution to the 'global warming theory,' the Automobile Manufacturers of America have spoken.
The relative popularity of virile and purebred SUVs compared to the 'hybrid' rice burners is undeniable. Fifty million Americans - clean-living, honest-to-God Americans - can't be wrong.
They know they need eight cylinders of throbbing, pulsating power under the hood, not some whiny sewing machine. They need eighteen feet of pounding, towering metal to go from mall to mall, buying the things that make America great, while tiny effeminate compacts buzz around them like cockroaches. That's why President Bush himself has removed EPA hindrances from these great vehicles.
But choice is important here in the good old U S of A, so there will be options among this year's new models.
The Dodge Ram 1500 is back, with extra armor and more power where you need it. The optional Camo paint job supports our troops in Iraq. Dodge is also offering the 'Firefly,' which gets 80 mpg and comes only in chartreuse.
Ford weighs in with the 'Thruster 5000,' six tons of veiny steel that makes the ground shudder when it blasts by you. Or you can opt for the 'Faerie,' which simpers along on a combination of solar power and perfumed methane.
The new Jeep 'Penetrator' plunges lustily into the market this year, along with the mincing, fuel efficient 'Fago.' The Penetrator features optional cannon mounts and grenade launchers, because Homeland Defense is important to all of us.
The Automobile Manufacturers of America and our President are confident you will make the right choice.
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