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  War on America

Head of US Armed Forces Unveils New Salute

General Richard Myers, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, unveiled the new US Army salute that will replace the traditional one as of next month. He spoke to the press while visiting the troops in Iraq.

"We tried out the old Roman Centurion Guard style, but we settled on a Modified Nazi, with the fingers slightly open. Gives it more of an easy-going, American feel," said Myers, goose-stepping enthusiastically around the podium.

Back in the US, campaigning in Michigan, President Bush whole-heartedly endorsed the new salute, although he joked about having his usual trouble with the 'left-right' thing. Lamont Freeman of Detroit (see photo below) got into the swing of things with his President, even giving a little heel click.

In an impromptu press conference today, the President also mused about creating a new paramilitary force to work with the Office for Homeland Security.

"We're kicking around a couple of ideas, maybe call them the 'Republican Guards,' " the President said. "We can't take chances with America's safety, so they wouldn't have their hands tied with liberal Constitutional red tape. They'd only answer to myself and maybe Donny Rumsfeld, so there'd be no abuses. America is a great and free country. God bless and praise Jesus...and apple pie...and freedom."

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